iamnotmyfather | "What the hell did you...?!" [For adm_chris

Bones reached up and smacked Jim hard on the back of the head with his open head.

"I'm telling you that if you let Chris go, you will lose the best damned thing that has ever happened to you with the exception of becoming Captain of the Enterprise. Get your head outta your ass already and take a real long look at what the rest of us already see. That boy is in love with you and only wants you to see it. He wants you to go to him first. He doesn't want to be your last resort or your last thought, you idiot. He wants to be first in your life and if you don't make that happen, then you will lose him. For good."

---

Once he's finished packing, he sets the bag by the entry way and fingers the collar on his neck. It was the newest one Jim had given him and was, by far, his favorite. But he hadn't come to Jim with it on... it wasn't right for him to take it with him when he left... He unbuckled it and set it on Jim's dresser in the bedroom where Chris' wrist cuffs sat as well. He blinked back tears and shook his head. Well, he'd asked for his freedom, hadn't he? Why hadn't Jim fought to keep him? It was obvious, he realized... he wasn't worth the effort.

"Ow!" He says rubbing the back of his head, that had actually kind of hurt. Though he frowns a bit. "He's not my last resort or my last thought..." That frown deepens. "I don't know how to do this, Bones. What the hell more am I supposed to do? I told him I loved him... You've been in love before." He's tempted to hit the wall again out of frustration. "I don't know what I'm doing." At least he could admit that to his best friend.

"Does he know that, Jim?" Bones asked, more gently than before, realizing he was starting to get through to his friend. "And it's not just about saying the words. You gotta show it, too. And it's not all about letting him walk over you. The boy's gotta have boundaries and know where they are and that you won't compromise on them. You're lettin' him run wild in my opinion. That kinda screams, 'I don't care what you do' if you ask me."

"I don't know!" He didn't know... That's what scared him, this whole love matter in general scared the hell out of him. "I don't know how, Bones..." He sighs and gets up. "I was never actually..." He scowls and shakes his head. "Never mind."

"What are you going to do, Jim?" Bones asks quietly. "Cause you've only got tonight to decide and sitting here with me ain't gonna help..."

"I don't know..." He says with a frown. "Something." He tells him before heading back to his quarters.

Chris has gotten everything cleaned, packed, dinner ready to be served and now just stands by the large living area window, staring out at the stars.

Jim's not really all that hungry, he's lost and hurting... he's far too damn confused. Moving over, he grabs Chris and whirls him around kissing him good and hard, pouring all of his feelings into that kiss. He doesn't know if it's the right thing to do but still...

Chris is too shocked to react at first but a moment later, he's returning that kiss just as fiercely, arms coming up to wrap around his Master's body, holding him tightly. He pulls back from the kiss, pressing his forhead to Jim's, letting the tears he's been holding back finally fall.

"I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry... please don't send me away... I don't want to be alone again..."

Jim reaches up to wipe away those tears, trying not to let his own fall. "I won't send you away. You have to bear with me though, Chris. I don't know what I'm doing... I am so lost on the whole love thing and not real sure on if I'm going to be good at showing it. So bear with me, please."

Christopher nods slowly and leans in to kiss Jim again just as fiercely as before. He can't lose this... not the place he has in this man's life or the man himself.

Jim kisses him back, giving a low groan into that kiss. "I do believe that throat of yours is missing something too, baby." He thinks about it a moment. "You asked why I thought you were flirting, you didn't see it from my standpoint. You and the ensign were leaning too far into each other and I got jealous. I'm sorry I hit you, because you're right I never have hurt you aside from punishing you."

"When you said you'd give me my freedom... after you left, I took it off... it's on your dresser..." He pulls away just long enough to retrieve the collar, handing it to his Master. "I didn't see it that way and I apologize for hurting you. But you hitting me... I provoked you and I shouldn't have done so..."

Jim takes the collar and slips it back onto Chris' throat. "What do you really want, Chris?"

Chris waits until that collar is back in place before he meets Jim's gaze with his own.

"I just want you, Master," he whispers softly. "I just want you to love me... and let me love you back. To hell with perfection or whatever. And I want to know that you won't get angry with me if I say I can't handle you going off ship. I need to know I can be honest with you without worrying that you're going to punish me for it."

Jim listens to him and gives a small nod to that.

"I'm not going to let you dictate what I do though, Chris. No one can dictate that, but me. Yes, there's missions out there that are dangerous. There's some that I'll need to go on and I might be gone for a while. But I need to know that you won't cause trouble just for the sake of causing trouble. I love you, Chris. I'm trying to keep us both happy. I'm not sure how good I'll be at doing that though."

"Okay," he says quietly. "I can live with that then. I just know that I can't live without you so if you don't ever come back from one of those damn missions? I'm gonna hunt your ass down just so you know. I won't just sit back and let someone tell me you're missing. Can we agree on that at least?"

"I don't want you ever coming after me. Not unless Spock is with you, I don't want you hurt."

"Fine, fine. The hobgoblin can come with me. But I won't stop until I have you back, Master. You're mine..." He leaned in, holding James tightly once more and pressing his face into the side of his Master's neck.

"Watch what you call Spock." He chuckles and just holds his boy to him. "I love you, Chris. You're mine and no one is going to ever hurt you again."

He relaxed into his Master's hold even more at those words.

"I love you too, Master..."

"No more leaning into people either. Though next time I'll ask rather then assuming, once I get past the jealousy."

Chris pulled back and looked up at James with a smirk on his face.

"So... no leaning in to you either?" he asked with a wink before turning serious. "I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"I, my boy..." He says grabbing Chris and pulling him as close as possible. "Am a different story."

"But of course you are," Chris grins, loving this possessive side of his Master... when, of course, it wasn't being brandished in anger.

"What the hell did you...?!" [For adm_chris_pike]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject