You are NOT my father [Locked to adm_chris_pike]

[iamnotmyfather]

He'd managed to lose his older self, which in turn lost the Admiral. There was no way he was going to let those two ruin his fun. So he heads out and gets drunk off his ass and while drunk he ends up getting a nice lovely tattoo along the center of his back. It should've hurt, but it didn't. Though that was probably because he was drunk off his ass and wasn't really thinking straight. Not like he actually had a brand to say he was an owned man. Teen... whatever...

But after getting the tattoo, he just heads out with the intent to have a bit more fun.

Comments

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

The fingers through his hair felt good. Although those words... confused the hell out of him. It didn't really make all that much sense.

"Not really, sir. You are upset..."

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"I meant that I wouldn't be so upset, James. I'm sorry. Some things that were said tonight have just... " he trailed off. It wasn't his job to show weakness to either of his boys. "Anyway... come up here, over my lap, and let's get this over with, shall we?"

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"They upset you." He says softly, then slips up and moves over the Admiral's lap.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Pike trails his hand down over James' back, over that tattoo for a moment, then down across the boy's backside.

"I'm not some unfeeling ogre, James," he finally answered. "Despite what others say of me, I do have feelings." He cleared his throat and closed his eyes for a moment before continuing. "You'll get twenty with my hand and then this will be over and done with and we start over with a clean slate. I don't expect you to keep count this time, but in the future, I will ask that you do so." Without warning, he raised his hand and brought it down in quick succession, barely giving James a chance to adjust; wanting this over with.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

Not some... He hadn't... but his mind doesn't go to what he'd originally thought. He bites his bottom lip, those tears springing up despite trying to stop them. James wanted this over with too, but mainly because it hurt like hell. He's had worse, but god... He just wanted this done and over with.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Pike didn't let up at all, not until that last strike and then he pulled James up into his lap and held him tightly, rocking him back and forth and trailing his fingers through the boy's hair.

"It's over, James," he whispered softly. "We're done and it's forgiven. It'll never be brought up again, I promise." He felt himself getting choked up and he had no clue why. He just knew he absolutely had to keep it together until he could get Jim up here to sit with James...

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

Those tears slide down his cheeks and when he's pulled into the Admiral's lap, he curls up and buries his face into the man's chest. Though there was a part of him that wanted to pull back, this wasn't natural... It just didn't happen after being punished...

But he doesn't move, he kind of likes knowing that someone cares.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Pike does nothing more than just continue to hold him, to rock him and to soothe him as much as he can with just his voice and easy touches along his back. He feels the wetness of the tears against his chest and he just holds James a little tighter.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispers softly. "You were so good and you didn't fight against me on it. I am so very proud of you. You did very good for your first time like this..."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

That gets a slight shake of his head, he didn't want to... "No, I'm not good. I've never been considered good, I'm not..." He chokes out, those tears coming harder. No, Frank had it drilled in his head that he wasn't.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"Oh yes you are, James," Pike said adamantly. "I don't give a damn what Frank told you. It was all a lie. You are good if perhaps a little misguided at times but that does not make you bad or evil." He held James back a little to meet those blue eyes with his own. "Look at me, James. I will never lie to you. Never. And you are good... and perfect as far as I'm concerned, even with your flaws. Don't you ever let anyone tell you that you're bad or that you're not good enough. They are lying. Do you understand me?"

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

Those tear filled blue eyes watch the Admiral and he wanted to argue that. Wanted to say that he couldn't be good, it wasn't in him to be. However, instead, he gives a small nod. "Yes, sir." He chokes out.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"Good," Pike answers and leans in, placing a chaste kiss to James' forehead. "All right, on your stomach and let me rub some of the healing salve I have onto you so that you aren't hurting so much."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

He scrunches his nose a bit at that, but lays down on his stomach and rests his head on his arms. "Can we bring Jim back now?" He whispers.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"Sure," Pike answers, happy for the reprieve of sorts. He needs out for a few minutes. He calls for Jim just as he pulls out that salve and begins applying it to the boy's reddened skin. By the time Jim arrives, Pike is done and waiting for his boy, sitting on the bed and rubbing James' back.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

James lays there, eyes closing as his back is rubbed, he's tempted to fall asleep but isn't going to. He doesn't really want to.

Jim comes back up and gives a smile, going over and kissing his Master before sitting down on the bed. "Everything okay now?"

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"It is," Pike answers softly, hiding a look of pain in his gaze as he stands slowly. "If you don't mind sitting with James for awhile, I need a shower." He doesn't really say anything else, leaving the bedroom for the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He sets the water on and strips from the clothes he's got on, stepping beneath the hot spray of water. He leans back against the tiled wall and that's when he lets that wall inside himself down and he feels the tears staining his face.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

James frowns watching Jim then where Pike had went. "I should..."

"Give him a moment, James." Jim says laying down beside his younger self and reaching over rubbing his back.

"I need to apologize to him..." James whispers.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Christopher slides down the wall until he's sitting on the floor of the shower, head dropped back against the wall, letting the water mingle with the tears on his face. All he could hear was the two of them comparing him to Frank.... one saying he was like Frank and the other saying he wasn't exactly like Frank... still, though, all Pike could think was that he had to do something to fix all of this or he was going to have to give them both up until he could.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"I have to..." James whispers.

"James..."

"No, don't!" He says firmly before jumping up and heading towards the bathroom, he's sure he's not going to get in so he just slides down along the door. "Sir?"

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Pike hears the boy's voice but he really can't answer right now; not as shaken as he is by what he's feeling. He's got to pull himself together but he doesn't even know where to start.

"I'll be out in a few minutes, boys," he finally manages to answer before he starts shaking a little.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

There's new tears there and he's not even sure he can explain why, even when he feels Jim come over and pull him close. "I'm sorry." James whispers. "I was wrong, I'm sorry." He chokes out burying his face in Jim's chest, leaving Jim a bit confused on how to handle the situation.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Pike hears those words and he shuts his eyes tightly. For the sake of both his boys, he finally pushes himself to his feet and turns off the water. Grabbing a towel, he roughly and quickly dries off his face and eyes, wrapping the towel around his waist before opening the door to see them both sitting right there. He bends down and picks up the younger boy in his arms, moving them all back to the bed, pulling James between himself and Jim, letting the boy lay however he wished.

"Don't," he whispered softly into the boy's hair. "Please don't. I can't handle hearing either of you apologize to me right now. It's fine. I am fine. Everything will be okay. I'm just... I'm tired and it's effecting everything right now. Please, both of you... I'm fine. It's okay. You need to know you can say whatever you need to say without fear of my getting angry or upset and still be able to be strong for you both..."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

Jim gives his Master an apologetic look and rubs his younger self's back as they slip back into the bed. "I think this is all overwhelming for him, sir. He's not used to having someone give a damn about him." He's pretty damn sure that's what it is for James.

James isn't paying attention to what his older self is saying, he just curls up and clings to Pike like the guy was the very breath he breathed. A part of him wanted the damn universe to swallow him whole, to make it all go away and make it all make sense. None of it did though. "But I..." He'd hurt Pike by saying that, he shouldn't of.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Pike sighs softly and just holds the boy tightly, fingers trailing through the dark blond locks gently.

"No, Jim, that's not what it is," he said quietly. "The two of you, earlier, talking about Frank... it threw me. I don't think I ever realized that you.. or him.. would see me in that light; that I was no better than Frank because I hit you, only I didn't do it for no reason. But it's still the same, isn't it? I still hurt you..."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

Jim frowns at that, "I never said you were no better then Frank, sir. I told him that you WERE better then Frank because you showed us that you actually gave a damn about us when he didn't. I never said you were no better then him."

James just curls up more, clinging to Pike that much more tightly.

"No, it isn't the same, sir. You don't hit us. You discipline us, that's different. He beat us. You don't do that. You give us guidance and love."