"What the hell did you...?!" [For adm_chris_pike]

[iamnotmyfather]

There had been a few rumors that Jim had heard and he wanted to think they were just that, rumors. So he headed down to the rec room where his boy said he'd be and stood in the doorway, eyes scanning the room until he came across him. What the hell was this? It had better not be what he thought it was. If it was there was going to be a shit ton of problems. Ones that neither man would want to deal with.

Comments

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Chris shook his head angrily.

"Like my telling you that I had a problem with it would have done any fucking good. You'd have just gone anyway so why bother telling you? I asked you once before not to take so many fucking missions. You promised me you'd tone it down and you haven't! So what the fuck am I supposed to believe? You know what? Forget it. Just... seriously. Forget it. Next fucking starbase just do yourself a favor and sell me back to a slave trader. I'm not worth your trouble."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"Like hell it wouldn't of, Christopher!" He snaps. "And for your information this is the FIRST mission I have been on in the past, oh what... five months. I have been sending Spock out on the missions because you wanted me to tone it down." He growls. "Oh no, you're stuck with me boy."

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Chris doesn't even answer him. Instead he turns and storms into the second bedroom, intent on spending the night by himself.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"Funny how you don't even give a shit. I did something for you because you asked me to and you could care less. I'll remember that in the future."

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Chris dropped down onto the bed, facing the wall and dropping his head into his hands. He hated his life... being a slave, not feeling as if he could be honest with his feelings or his words. Of course he gave a shit... it meant everything to him that Jim had listened to him; was trying to comply... but Chris still felt as if he needed more... and he didn't deserve it.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

It wasn't his decision to decide if it was deserved or not. That was Jim's decision. But the young Captain just paces trying to calm his anger, though far as he was concerned Chris didn't give a shit. "I don't even know why I fuckin' try to make you happy. Not like it works anyway."

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Make him happy? If Jim wanted to make him happy, he'd give Chris his freedom...

"If my happiness mattered to you at all, you'd give me my freedom," he answered from the doorway, not even bothering to brush away the tears on his face.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"Fine, you want your freedom then you have it. Next starbase we hit I'll even alter the damn contract. You'll have it." What the hell did the other man care anyway? He'd been told that he'd have his freedom, not right away but he'd have it. But if that's what it would take to make this stop feeling like he was giving all he could to the other man and just... He growls slamming his fist as hard as he could into the wall, despite that not being the best of ideas.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Christopher watched him carefully and finally walked over to him when he saw James hit the wall with his fist. His Master's hand was bleeding and for all her knew, it was probably broken as well. Without a word, he reached onto a nearby table and picked up a towel, moving into the kitchen to wet the towel before coming back and gently taking Jim's hand in his own to clean away the blood so he could get a better look at it. He kept his silence for several minutes, working up the nerve to speak, not sure if anything he said now would ever make a difference.

"I'm not ungrateful to you and wanting my freedom isn't about you. You're right. You've not lied to me and, except for earlier, you haven't really hurt me except in punishment. but this life is completely foreign to me and even though I love you with every fiber of my being, I don't know if you feel the same only because you own me or not... and I'm not... I'm not sure I could ever believe I deserve that love freely."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"I love you, Chris, but growing up with an abusive step-father I suck at showing it. I WOULDN'T know how to. And whether you think you deserve it or not...you have it."

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Christopher finished cleaning off Jim's hand, gently checking the bones before pressing a kiss to the abused skin.

"It's not broken," he said softly. "But you should still probably have Doctor McCoy look at it..."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

Of course... maybe he shouldn't of told Chris that, though those blue eyes watch the man before him.

"Maybe."

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Christopher nodded and let go of his master's hand, stepping back slowly. He'd heard the words... he just didn't know how to respond to them... or to Jim right now. Did it matter? Jim was going to give him his freedom, wasn't he?

"Thank you," he said quietly, "for saying that you love me and for... saying you'd give me my freedom..."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"You act like I'm doing it as a chore." He says a deep frown gracing those features. "I meant every damn word."

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"That's not how I meant it, sir," he answers quietly. "I was being sincere. I appreciate you saying it all because I know it's hard for you to do so. I told you loved you when I asked you to stop taking the away missions. You've never verbally said it until today. I'm not sure how to react. I'm sorry."

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"Then why the hell would you stand by and make me jealous?"

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"I wasn't trying to make you jealous!" Chris threw back angrily. "I was just. Talking. to him! Why can't you see that? Why would I go against my contract to you just to fuck with your head?! Gods... you really think that little of me don't you? I can't..." He trailed off a shook his head. "I can't even wrap my head around that... why the fuck would I tell you I love you... and then do something like that on purpose? I wouldn't. But... there again... I'm just a slave so I guess that means I have no morals or values and no loyalty. Of course. My mistake." He turned and walked back into the other bedroom, blinking back the tears in his eyes.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

Oh he didn't care if he broke his damn hand or not, he beats the hell out of the wall, not that he's winning against the thing, before sliding down it. Stupid fuckin' Chris, he couldn't see what he saw. What it had looked like... if they'd just been talking they wouldn't of been leaning that close into one another. He was honestly lost, not caring who the fuck saw the turmoil running through him, he heads straight down to Medical. His hand was starting to go numb on him.

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

McCoy looks up as Jim enters medical and raises a brow slightly before demanding that everyone else leave before he pulls Jim behind a curtained off area and pushes him onto a bio bed.

"Got a call from your boy that you were headed this way. What the fuck did he do now that's got you so pissed?"

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"Doesn't matter. Moment we hit the next starbase I'm giving him his freedom." He gives a bitter laugh. "I suck at this shit, Bones."

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"So that's it, huh?" Bones said as he ran a scanner over Jim's hand. "Just gonna off load him on a Starbase and let him fall prey to whatever slave traders happen to be around? Well, whatever. None of my concern." He grabs the dermal regenerator. "Probably deserves it, knowing the hell he's put you through. I mean... what right does any slave have demanding his Master keep himself safe or not take on too many away missions? Oh and then there's the whole thing with him making sure you're not bothered when you need to catch up on your PADD's and such. Damn slaves. Always said they weren't worth the trouble.. Especially the ones that fall in love with their Masters. They're the worst...."

He's goading Jim. He knows it. But he wants his friend to see that letting Chris go will be the worst mistake he's ever made...

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

Jim frowns at his best friend. "I'm not going to let him fall prey to anyone. I love him, Bones. And he fuckin' knows it, but we both suck at showing it." Though the more his best friend talks, the more that frown deepens. "You're one to talk. You bitch more then him about me keeping myself safe!"

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

"Ahh, well see, I'm your Doctor and friend, not some damn slave so I'm allowed." The machine beeps and McCoy sets it aside. "All right, you're fine, you big baby. And stop beating up the damn walls. They ain't done a damn thing to ya. And if yer really gettin' rid of the boy the bring him down here so I can at least give him a set of vaccinations before you shove him off onto someone else."

--

In their quarters, Chris had set to work cleaning up after the fight, making sure there was no blood on the floor or the wall that Jim had torn apart. That done, he went through the food generator and set it for dinner (fried chicken, potatoes and green beans with biscuits) before moving into the bedroom to start pulling his clothes from the closet and stuffing them into the duffel bag he'd had with him when James had found him nine months ago.

[iamnotmyfather.livejournal.com]

"I'm not shoving him off onto anyone else!" He snaps. "Quit saying that, Bones." He says giving a glare at the older man. "I don't know what the hell you're trying to prove but stop it!"

[adm-chris-pike.livejournal.com]

Bones reached up and smacked Jim hard on the back of the head with his open head.

"I'm telling you that if you let Chris go, you will lose the best damned thing that has ever happened to you with the exception of becoming Captain of the Enterprise. Get your head outta your ass already and take a real long look at what the rest of us already see. That boy is in love with you and only wants you to see it. He wants you to go to him first. He doesn't want to be your last resort or your last thought, you idiot. He wants to be first in your life and if you don't make that happen, then you will lose him. For good."

---

Once he's finished packing, he sets the bag by the entry way and fingers the collar on his neck. It was the newest one Jim had given him and was, by far, his favorite. But he hadn't come to Jim with it on... it wasn't right for him to take it with him when he left... He unbuckled it and set it on Jim's dresser in the bedroom where Chris' wrist cuffs sat as well. He blinked back tears and shook his head. Well, he'd asked for his freedom, hadn't he? Why hadn't Jim fought to keep him? It was obvious, he realized... he wasn't worth the effort.